“Authenticity is hard to come by. In a world that perpetuates subjectivity, that nothing is absolute, it is even harder to find authenticity because it can only be called so by the standards of the perceiver.” Anonymous
It is always…..usually…….often my desire to speak life. By definition, life is God’s Word, His promises, His declarations over our lives as Christians, regardless of the circumstances that we find ourselves in. I desire to speak truth and hope even in that truth because truly, how can there be no truth in hope? I desire to speak what is not yet as though it already is. Is it not beautiful that The Lord, seated on The Throne in eternity, is not confined to time? What is ‘not yet’ to us is ‘already’ to Him; No number line characterizing the sequence of events because He simply does not ‘live’ in time. I believe that is one of the deepest revelations that can free us from doubt and unbelief and thrust us into an immediate realm of faith; the ‘now, living, active’ kind of faith. But are there not times that things feel or appear so bleak that even a desire to speak life feels like a cliché or another theory floating somewhere in the air and it never quite lands; it never quite settles; it never quite feels authentic?
Maybe it’s just me, but are there those days when you feel hard pressed on each side and your heart just wants to curve in a ball on the floor and just disappear? When pain is so real that you want to step out of your feelings, emotions, body, soul and just move into a zone or space of ‘nothingness’? You don’t even want happiness, you just want numbness? You just want a relief from the pain, no matter how temporary. On other days, you feel happy. You feel like the most loved child in the world. You feel that you have purpose and a reason for which you were created and it comes in so much clarity that all that remains is to step into it. You see the promises of God so clearly and though they tarry nothing can dissuade you that He spoke and they are real. There are those days when you feel like you were once a ‘starring’ *lol* in some Karate video and you learnt how to kick down doors and chop blocks of stone and wood with your bare hands….or elbows….depending on which movie you watched as a child. Then there are the mundane days: rolling around like they do not know what to do with themselves. They are on neither extremes and you end up feeling lost in the ambiguity of every moment. Nothing seems certain, but nothing seems uncertain either. But like I said, maybe it’s just me.
The one thing I love about all that is that they are feelings. Feelings are legitimate, real. But feelings also, often, demand to be the foundation – the base, the absolute. Thank God that He calls us to live by faith and not feelings! But we live in a world where many live by feelings, we included, but we do not even know it. Our going to church, serving in the ushering team, going for high school missions, attending bible study, praying for people, meeting with friends, doing chores, fasting, is run by feelings (on the extreme end) or subtly guided by our feelings (on the not so extreme end). Many of us need to take some time out and just examine: brutally, honestly and above all else through the guidance and conviction of The Holy Spirit, what runs, guides, influences (both outright and subtly) our day to day, moment to moment decisions. Oh that we would partake of the clarity that comes from letting God show us who we are and who He wants us to be.
If you have managed to get to this point of the post, then you have managed to get to the point of the post.
*inserts nervous chuckle*
I am writing to write where I am at, right where I am at. I wanted to write about so much this week: about faith, about grace, about deception, about these amazing truths that are in the Word of God, about SOOO MUCHH!!!! But every time I almost wrote, I stopped. And every time I stopped, I found that the next ‘moment’ was one of turmoil. So how could I be authentic in expression when almost often after this fire to speak life burned so brightly, the cold blanket of life promptly dimmed the flame? How could I be authentic both in assurance and in discouragement without focusing on either one above the other? Therein lay the challenge to just let go and hope with fingers crossed that whatever comes after the clucking of the keyboard shall be for God’s glory; for whoever needs to know that it is okay to not be okay and it is okay to be okay. But that in both, whether or not we FEEL like it or not, still we arm ourselves with God’s promises and we speak them. Whether we shout them from the roof top or whisper them amid crackled voices that are barely audible, still we speak them. Because if God spoke and speaks them, then we need to be the echo, repeat as we grow louder.
Who hath believed our report? And to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?
My words bleed the promise of the Cross/
Whether my eyes see joy, pain, loss or remorse/
My life draws strength from The Boss – /
Christ – Son, God, yet servant stretched on a cross. /
This heart beats dependence on life’s schemes/
This heart beat’s dependent on Christ’s Will/
Sound waves resonating in my heart straight from His diaphragm/
So much so that I am more than just a diagram – /
A rough sketch of what He drew me to be/
When He drew me out of sin, quenched me with Him – Water from the well/
So now I hear well by faith and stock the promises/
That when pestilence stalks I stork the promises/
Speak so that faith, like a baby conceived, can be delivered in all premises –
Of my life/
So whether in bliss or strife/
For as long as I live/
Solely in His report will I believe! //